SO there’s this kid, who lives on a really hot ,dusty planet where basically everyone is a bully, and he`s a slave. Then these Jedi show up, and with them they have this SUPER pretty lady. The kid and the pretty lady talk while the Jedi try to get help. Then there`s a sandstorm, and the Jedi and the pretty lady have to stay at the kid`s house. Then the kid enters a podrace and kicks everyone’s butt. The Jedi take him and the pretty lady off Tatooine, and they go and try to get more help, but the people tell them no. SO they have to go to this other planet, where there`s a bunch of super annoying creatures called Gungans, and they get help. The pretty lady reveals she’s actually the queen. The kid has his doubts that the Gungans will actually be helpful. He was right. He flies in this ship, and blows up the bad guy base in an epic explosion. Then he gets trained to be a Jedi. In the next movie, the kid’s grown up now. Someone tries to kill the really pretty lady, so the kid who`s now a Jedi (fine, Anakin) has to protect the pretty lady. He`s in love with her. They chase some really ugly changeling creature through the city, then she gets killed. Anakin and his mentor split up. Anakin goes on vacation with the pretty lady, while his mentor tracks down who killed the changeling thing. Anakin and the really pretty lady fall in love, but a bunch of jerks called the Jedi Council say they can`t fall in love. Anakin is heartbroken. He tells Padme he loves her, but she says they can`t fall in love, because it would destroy their lives. Meanwhile, Anakin`s mentor is tracking this bounty hunter dude and his son. They have an epic space battle. Anakin goes back to the hot dusty planet, where his mother dies in his arms. Then he kills everyone. Then they go to rescue Anakin`s mentor, and get captured. The really pretty lady and Anakin pledge their love. Then they destroy a bunch of battle droids. Then they have a lightsaber fight and the boy gets his hand chopped off by some kriffing nerf-herder named Count Dooku.  In the next movie, Anakin has a really cool scar. And there`s a war. So Anakin and his mentor go and blow some people up in a ship, then kill Count Dooku. And something about Double G. Then they fly back, and the pretty lady says she`s pregnant. She thinks it`s  great, but Anakin isn`t so sure. Then he starts having nightmares of the pretty lady dying. SO he tells her, and she says not to worry. Then SHE starts freaking out. SO the boy goes to Yoda for help, but Yoda basically says to ditch the pretty lady, and stop loving everyone. So Anakin is mad. Then he goes to this guy called The Chancellor, who tells Anakin good things. Then Obi-Wan leaves to go kill Double G. And the council hates Anakin, so they won`t let him be on the council. Because they`re laser-brained nerfherders. So Anakin gets mad. Then the Chancellor tells him he`s a Sith Lord. And he can save the really pretty lady. Then Anakin tells the council. For some stupid reason. Then the biggest nerfherder of all, Mace Windu, tries to kill the Chancellor. But Anakin cuts off his hand. Then the Chancellor kills Mace Windu. then Anakin goes to the Dark Side. And kills everyone. Then fights Obi-wan. WJo leaves him for dead, burning in lava, with his limbs cut off, because Obi-Wan is also a nerfeherder, and doesn`t try to help. Jerk. He killed Darth Maul! Then the pretty lady dies. Anakin is really mad, and sad, and now hates the world.  Then like twenty years later, Obi-Wan finds Anakin`s son, Luke. And Anakin and Luke go and try to save everybody. They go on the Death Star, which is a really cool super weapon, capable of destroying planets. It blew up a planet. Anakin, now Darth Vader hates Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan is on the Death Star. Darth Vader kills Obi-Wan, right in front of Luke. SO Luke blows up the Death Star. Jerk. THEN THEY GO, AND DARTH VADER CAPTURES EVERYONE, AND FREEZES HAN SOLO IN CARBONITE, and tells Luke who his father is. Which is Darth Vader. Luke is very unhappy about that. Darth Vader is offended by that. He still hates the world. Even more now. But he`s happier, because Obi-Wan is dead, and he just messed up the rebellion. Then blah, blah, blah, a bunch of other stuff probably happened, but Anakin refused to tell me. He went on an angry rant about all his feelings, and stuff.. Anyway, then Luke helped Darth Vader kill the Chancellor, and Darth Vader turned back into a Jedi. I think that`s what happened. The end.


9 responses »

  1. Darth Vader says:

    WOW, I made a lot of typos. This summary comes from a video I filmed. It’s based on what I told this guy what happened in SW. So it`s mostly from my point of veiw. Some things he said word for word what I told him. And he cut out a lot of what I said about the original trilogy. Which was mostly me saying how awesome it is to go around Force-choking people, and blowing up planets, but I hate the Emperor, and I don`t know what to think about Luke, which is mostly my feelings, and not events. So I guess it makes sense to cut it out.

    • Wait, do you actually hate the Jedi Council?! What’s wrong with the Jedi Council?

      • Darth Vader says:

        Not the ENTIRE council. Just Mace Windu. He was a jerk to me. My whole life.
        “You can`t train this boy.”
        “You will not be a Jedi Master.”
        “I`m seriously doubting that kid who has the nerve to talk back to me is the Chosen One.”
        “Are you sure THAT’S the guy that can bring balance to the Force?”
        “I don`t trust you.”
        “I don`t trust him.”

        There is evidence. The council (Mace Windu) hates me. Mace Windu wanted younglings to be afraid of him. He wanted to earn their respect through intimidation. He expected them to obey his every command without question. He wanted to be in complete control. Because I wouldn`t give him that, because I refused to let him rule my life, he hated me. He didn`t tried to hide his dislike. The rest of the council was OK, but they didn`t do anything. They ordered the other Jedi around, but were never actually present to help. That is why they were so easily killed during Order 66. They were out of practice, but they were needed desperately.

      • Wow, I had no idea how much of a jerk Mace Windu was. No wonder you didn’t help him right before he fell out that window.

      • Darth Vader says:

        Yeah, most people don`t. He deserved to be blasted out a window. Mace windu was also a bit of a hypocrite, if you listen to him shouting ath the Emporer. “He has control over the Senate and the court!” SO do you. AND you have control over the Jedi. But in a perfect world, they both would have been blasted out the window. But what would have happened if the Emporer had been killed? Padme was right. I would have benn expelled, and so would she. We would live in exile. So perhaps it is better that I helped the Emporer, and not MAce Windu. But I rethink that alot. What if I HAD Killed the Emporer when I had the chance? What if I had let Mace Windu kill the Emporer? I would have had his trust. He promised me I would earn hist trust if I turned out to be right abouth the Chancellor being a SIth lord. I had his trust for a few minutes. Before I helped kill him.

  2. Darth Vader says:

    I think my comments only go to spam when I use my laptop.

  3. Benjamin says:

    Lord Vader, please don’t Force choke me, but you’re wrong. Mace Windu has a purple lightsaber, so he’s AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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