Chuck Norris is stooky! Β Anyway, post your Chuck Norris jokes on here! Also, keep them appropriate, please. For starters, here’s one of my favorite ones:

Chuck Norris doesn’t call the wrong number… YOU answer the wrong phone!

Chuck Norris rules! πŸ˜€

-SWF Max

87 responses »

  1. Jack Skellington says:

    I know, it’s really corny, but here is my CN joke:
    Where did George Lucas’s inspiration of Star Wars come from? He ask Chuck Norris.

  2. GSP (SF Andrew) says:

    I typed up Chuck Norris on Google and it said:

    Google won’t search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don’t find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
    Your search – Chuck Norris- did not match any documents.
    Suggestions:
    *Run, before he finds you.
    *Try a different person.
    *Try someone less dangerous.

  3. origamiluke100 says:

    no he is a villian IN a herobrine mod he is a sidekick

  4. Darth Vader says:

    Chuch Norris had a bet with Superman. The loser had to wear underwear outside his pants.

    WHY do I participate in this madness?!

    • Madness? What do you mean? Did you suddenly change your mind about Chuck Norris right after you told that Superman joke?

      • Darth Vader says:

        I never really liked Chuck Norris. I think it`s a little annoying how much people talk about him, and all these jokes. Chuck Norris never ran a marathon. But I didn`t want to be a buzzkill, and there wasn`t very many comments on this page, so I looked up Chuck Norris jokes on the internet.

      • I see. Well, here’s something cool about him: He knows karate. I’m not forcing you to change your mind, but I’m just making a point.

      • SF Xarl says:

        Well, my ten year old friend knows karate. Tell me what the difference is between Chuck norris and some random karate loser and some random muscular stuck-up jerk combined together?

      • Your friend doesn’t have a beard. At least not one as hairy as Chuck Norris’s beard. That’s the difference.

      • Or to be more specific, your friend HOPEFULLY doesn’t have a beard as hairy as Chuck Norris’s beard. I’m just saying.

      • I’m just saying. He probably doesn’t have a beard as hairy as Chuck Norris’s beard, but there’s still a chance. However, I’m gonna put the odds this way: the odds of your friends having a beard as hairy as Chuck Norris’s beard- or any beard, that matter- is the same as the odds of flying pigs.

      • SuperFolder Zod says:

        Once, in a barn in (I want to say Oklahoma, but I’m not completely sure), a match or a spark was lit, and the barn exploded because of all the methane in it that was lit. Pigs flew everywhere.
        PIGS CAN FLY

  5. Chuck Norris had a non-speaking part in the Star Wars movies: the Force! πŸ˜€

  6. SF Jackson H says:

    Ever wondered how Obi-Wan Kenobi was so good at fighting? Ever noticed how much he looks like Chuck Norris in ll and lll?

  7. SF Jackson H says:

    Thank you!

  8. Chuck Norris knows how Gravity Falls is gonna end. πŸ˜€

    He actually did get permission from the guys at Disney Channel to tell just 1 person how it was gonna end, but the deal was that if Chuck Norris told him, he would have to make the guy lose his memory by roundhouse-kicking him in the face.

    Chuck Norris was gonna accept that part of the deal, but Tobuscus challenged him, and said that he would have to either decline the deal with Disney Channel, OR make a diamond sword in Minecraft with 3 diamonds, on top of a stick, all in the middle column of the crafting table.

    This is one of the few things that Chuck Norris can not do, so in order to save himself from losing his honor by failing to make a diamond sword exactly in that manner, he instead round-house kicked the man he told into a magic portal, which transported the man into the world of Gravity Falls itself.

    The man still knew how it was gonna end, but he could not leave the cartoon world of Gravity Falls. And he was also not allowed to tell anyone in the show, either, because that would spoil the plot for people watching it on TV. :D!

    • SF Jackson H says:

      πŸ˜€

    • sfjacksonh says:

      (SPOILER ALERT) THE MAN WHO KNOWS HOW IT’S GOING TO END IS THAT BIGFOOT PERSON WHO RUNS ACROSS THE SCREEN FOR A MILISECOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :O

      • Gravity Falls Fan Max says:

        (SPOILER ALERT) :O Woah! But that comment I wrote was purely for entertainment, and I doubt the characters will acknowledge the fact that it’s just a TV show, so that probably won’t happen in the show. Also, if you want to talk about the Bigfoot guy, please use either the Max-igami Talk zone, or the Gravity Falls Talk Zone at dipperandmabel.wordpress.com. I’m also editing your comment to include a “spoiler alert” so the Bigfoot guy won’t be spoiled.

      • sfjacksonh says:

        Okay. It wasn’t really a spoiler ’cause it’s in the theme song, but okay. Also, I’ll also use the talkzone.

      • Gravity Falls Fan Max says:

        Thanks. πŸ™‚

      • Robby says:

        Jackson, do you mean the sascrotch? Or is there another Bigfoot guy.

      • (SPOILER ALERT)- There’s another Bigfoot guy. And,m while we’re talking about the Sascrotch… (cough) I’m sharing another Gravity Falls video! (cough)

  9. When Chuck Norris does the Mentos and Coke experiment, he doesn’t manually put the Mentos in, he stares at the Mentos and they get in the Coke out of fear.

  10. Tenor says:

    Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

    Chuck Norris kicked a horse in the chin. Its modern descendants are known as giraffes.

    Chuck Norris blows bubbles with beef jerky.

    Chuck Norris’ smile once brought a puppy back to life.

    Chuck Norris was an only child. Eventually…

    Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

    There is an order to the universe. Space, Time, Chuck Norris. Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t read, he stares down books until he gets the information he wants.

  11. SF Robby says:

    Stalkers don’t know where chuck Norris lives. He knows where they live

    • This one stalker found out where he lived. 1 millionth of a billionth of a billionth of a billionth of a billionth of a billionth of a second later, he died of a roundhouse-kick to the face. Coincidence? I think not!

  12. when chuck norris puts on the ring of power, he doesn’t turn invisible, it does.

  13. Robby says:

    When chuck Norris became a Pokemon trainer, he didn’t trie to catch Pokemon, they tried to catch him

  14. Robby says:

    Chuck Norris became a interrogator in the army. Instead of capturingg anyone the general told every one on the earth about this. The next day chuck Norris got an email that had all the enemy’s dirty secrets

  15. sfjacksonh says:

    If Chuck Norris was really that powerful, he would bang my head against the keyboard right nkldkuhyn6mreldshjyuklrhnsjtz r;j;’OEIU h:?bnzLArjah”pt;ore;n

  16. Comic Book Kid says:

    Chuck Norris doesn’t go to therapy, he gives the Hulk therapy.

    • Robby says:

      Chuck Norris was hacked on roblox. The hacker went on their own account and his shirt said:”only an idiot hacks chuck Norris” his game said: chuck Norris pwns all and his mood was:” chuck Norris pwned me” he found out chuck Norris hadn’t been on in 10 years.

  17. Robby says:

    Chuck norris tells simon what to do.

    In skylanders, you’re not the portal master, chuck Norris hs the same ideas as you.

    Chuck Norris had an essay on fear. He just wrote his name on a paper. He got an A+.

    Chuck Norris died four years ago but the grim reaper hasn’t worked up the courage to tell him.

    Chuck Norris hiked Mt. Everest in 1 min. 59 seconds of that were just being used to build a snowman.

    Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

    The reason trigger happy shoots like crazy is because he is scared chuck Norris is there trying to attack him.

    Bill Gates constantly lives in fear that chuck Norris’s computer will crash.

    The reason newborn baby’s cry, is because they are entering a world with chuck Norris.

    The reason Sarah Winchester built a weird house for spirts killed by Winchester rifles, is because chuck Norris’s friend was killed by a Winchester rifle. The medium “Adam Coon” said that chuck Norris loved his friend And he wanted his friend to have a house, he also said that if his friend wasn’t satiafyed, chuck Norris would come.

  18. Robby says:

    Chuck Norris has a great taste in the culinary arts, he likes his meat so rare, he only eats unicorns.

    Chuck Norris kills two stones with one bird.

    Chuck Norris caused the big bang.

  19. Robby says:

    When chuck Norris plays Pokemon mystery dungeon, he was a Pikachu and riolu combination because he was too brave or strong to be one or the other.

  20. Robby says:

    Heres a godd one: why did chuck Norris cross the road… Because someone on the other side insulted him.

  21. Robby says:

    EVERYONE GO TO THE 6th COMMENT ON THE POST ABOUT DEANTE LOSING HIS PASSWORD!!! CODE RED CODE RED!!!!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!!!!!!!!

  22. 10cocoa says:

    How ’bout this CN joke: Chuck Norris isn’t found by Slenderman. Chuck Norris finds HIM! πŸ™‚

  23. Once, a blind man accidentally stepped on Chuck Norris’s foot. Chuck Norris said, “Do you know who I am?! I’m Chuck Norris!”. The mere mention of Chuck Norris’s name instantly cured the man’s blindness. Unfortunately for the man, the first, last, and only thing the man ever saw was a roundhouse kick to the face delivered by Chuck Norris.

  24. Super folder Epvjupa says:

    Chuck Norris made an origami Chuck Norris. He went to McQuarrie Middle and used it to destroy Darth Paper. But it wasn’t the origami that destroyed Darth. It was Harvey, at the mere sight of Chuck, and seeing that he had an origami Chuck Norris.

  25. Super folder Epvjupa says:

    You know how some people are too smart to be hypnotised? Well, Chuck Norris is an expert on the art of hypnosis, and he managed to hypnotise Albert Einstein. AE always had a weird scared look on his face when hypnotised, though…….

  26. D.N. says:

    Chuck Norris once traveled to a galaxy far far away. He got some green Mandolorian armor, and looks completely awesome in Jabba’s Palace. (Look at my gravatar for proof) After getting eaten by the Sarlacc, he stared deeply in the Sarlacc’s stomach. The Sarlacc, feeling the pain, spit him out. Chuck then used a flamethrower (and a round-house kick to the face), and he now rides the Tattoine sands on a giant Sarlacc.

  27. Do you think Peter Crushing is better than Chuck Norris because I Do!

  28. Bob says:

    How many push ups can Chuck Norris do?

  29. chuck norris CAN land a normal type attack on a ghost type pokemon
    Red Gyrados isn’t shiny. He’s bleeding from Chuck’s Super Special Awesome Roundhouse!

  30. SF Robby says:

    Chuck Norris’s Lv.1 Magikarp used splash to one hit KO a Lv. 100 Mewtwo

  31. SF Robby says:

    If you lay down: Chuck Norris in scrabble, you win… Forever.

  32. SF Robby says:

    Chuck Norris believes that its not butter.

  33. SF Robby says:

    Chuck Norris drank pop-rocks with coke, and the WORLD exploded.
    Chuck Norris goes into Lavender Town, and the GHOST commits suicide.
    Chuck Norris fell off a cliff. The sharp rocks at the bottom of the cliff died.

  34. SF Robby says:

    Chuck Norris is a Thyme Lord.

  35. Chuck Norris can win any staring contest. He won against the sun, because the sun went blind. He won against Medusa, because she immediately turned into stone. He won against and Enderman, because looking into Chuck Norris’s eyes enraged him and Chuck Norris killed him. The Enderman was fast, so he tried to run, but Chuck Norris teleported. Finally, Chuck Norris once had a staring contest against himself. On the 4th day, he won.

  36. there’s no such thing as tornadoes.Chuck Norris just doesn’t like trailer parks.

  37. ltrocks2 says:

    Chuck Norris is now sooooooooooooooooooooo nostrul.

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